just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
