69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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