oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
