he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
