I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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