I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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