So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
