Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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