carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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