I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
