I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
