I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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