hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
