dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
