But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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