Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
