is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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