I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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