the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize