god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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