Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
