my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
