This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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