And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
