1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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