My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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