told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
