Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
