Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
