went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
