I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
