Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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