you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
