You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
