I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
