i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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