I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
