My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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