I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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