1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
