dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
