"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
