you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
