I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize