So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
