i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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