This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love accidental penises.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
