these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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