Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
