ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
