You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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