i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
