I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
