Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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