Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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