I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
