Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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