Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
