So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
