Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize