Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you had me at cake vodka
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
