What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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