Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
