There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
