Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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