Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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