i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
