why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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