Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
