I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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