I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
