Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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