just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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