can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize