You can't motorboat a personality
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
