what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
