your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
