my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
