Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
