She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
