What did we do last night that was yellow?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he fucked my hip out of place.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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