It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
